So many dicks. Just so many she had lost count. Didn’t mean shit to her either. Any one of them. Going through the motions. Motha fuckas fucking her all kinds of ways trying to make her respond. She never would. She would just lay there while they did what they did. She doing what she did out of some innate response to all of the various sexual partners she had in her past. “Why don’t you make any faces or noises? Even when you get on top you just ride with no expression on your face.” She would just look at the various guys that had said variations to that statement to her. Had caught every STD imaginable except for hepatitis, AIDS or syphilis. Thank goodness for that she thought now to herself. Every once and a while a herpes bump would find its way on her upper lip just to the left of center. Big old ugly motha fucka too. Would go and take her acyclovir quicker than shit to get that bitch down. People knowing what the deal was. She was a little more careful because of catching this shit she couldn’t get rid of. It wasn’t a general practitioner that had found it out either. She had went in for a routine eye exam at Dr. Darland. She had told him about something was bothering her eye. After the eye exam he dilated her and after she was fully dilated he had taken her back and looked into the black hole into her soul, the pupil. He was finished and had said. “You really need to see your family doctor,” Dr. Darland had said to her very calmly.
“Family Doctor? What for?” she asked very incredulously.
“Well I don’t know how to tell you this but the discomfort that you have been feeling in your eye is herpes.
I can detect those kinds of diseases by doing a dilation which I just performed on you. That’s why it is so important to get dilated if not every year at the least every two years.”
“Herpes? How in the world can you see that in my eye? I ain’t never heard of that,” not in a defensive way but of a concerned wanting to know way. He continued to tell her the various steps that Optometrists take and how certain diseases appear in the eye including herpes and told her it was not uncommon at all.
And damn if he wasn’t right. Blood test had shown that yes in fact she had contracted the virus. That is when she did a reality check. She had two children that depended on her and it was time for her to get a little more serious about life. And she did. Albeit there were a couple of mah fuckas she let slide and hit it without a rubber but she vowed after the last one never again.
Really could have been dead by now. She had no idea of how many videotapes were out there of her fucking the sorry ass niggas she fucked for one reason or another. She didn’t give a damn. It didn’t mean anything. That shit meant nothing to her. She kind of smiled to herself of those mah fuckas letting their so-called boys see the tapes and their boys looking at the blank expression on her face while the scene unfolded and the videotape running, “Damn man, you ain’t doin shit with that. She lookin like you boring the shit out of her.” She had big thick dicks, real small dicks, in between dicks, pencil dicks, dicks she couldn’t half find...It was endless. She would put a little spin on one of the lines in the Armour hot dog commercial which would make her laugh when she would get down on herself like now. She started singing it almost inaudibly to herself, “Fat dicks, skinny dicks, even dicks with big old nuts.” She began laughing. It worked every time. She thought about this one she had seen, she forgot the niggas name but he had this long dick at least nine inches long, at least, but the width she swore was no bigger than her thumb. That is when she found out that pencil dicks were true. She remembered his face but could not recall the name. She had trouble recalling any of her past sexual partners, it was all a blur. She remembered he was fucking her, thinking he was doing something and his dick feeling as though it was poking the shit out of her, like yes, a pencil was inside of her poking around hitting spots and her not hardly being able to wait until the mah fucka shot his load. Thinking throughout the whole act, come on mah fucka or you are going to have to get the fuck off of me. He finally did shoot making all kinds of ugly faces and shit and she got up and put on her clothes and got the fuck out of his apartment and never went back again.
Karon was tired of niggas. Never thought of any of them for as long as she went with them or fucked them, and sometimes even while fucking them she thought of the only man she had ever thought about since she laid eyes on him some ten years ago. Victor. She could never get that man out of her mind to save her life. She cried about him many a nights wondering why he never felt about her the way she felt about him. Loved that niggas dirty drawls. Would drink his dirty bath water. She could imagine how he would feel inside her, definitely not like any of the other dicks she had. His would be special she knew. He was special. Any man that made her feel the way he did just by being around her she always knew he was the one for her. She wondered what an orgasm felt like. She had never had one. None of the many guys she had been with had even remotely got her to that point. Sure some times it felt good but that is about all. Every once and a while one of the men would hit a special spot and it would feel better than what she had felt before. But she knew it wasn’t an orgasm. Shit not from what her friends had told her it felt like. They telling her about feeling all tingly and then something going on inside which felt as though it was being released, “Girl let me tell you. A motha fucka make you cum,” Chanterelle her Hair Stylist was telling her at the beauty shop, “girl you will sho nuff know it. Am I right Bee Bee?” Chanterelle had turned to the Hair Stylist whose booth was situated right next to hers.
“Shit. You ain’t said nothing wrong girl. I’m here to tell you. Will cosign for that statement any day of the week,” Bee Bee had responded back smiling and looking as though she was experiencing an orgasm in memory in her recent past and finally saying, “Umm. You know that’s right,” shaking her head emphasizing the statement even more.
“I told you girl. Motha fucka hit that shit right, you’ll be sprung for sure.” Chanterelle added.
Here she was 29 years old and the bitch still hadn’t a Big O. All those mah fuckas. not a damn one could fuck well enough to give her pleasure. Or maybe she really wasn’t mentally into it. Just fuckin. That’s all she was doing. Filling time. Like she felt she was doing most of the time doing things to not to be bored and for God’s sake not to be alone. Bitch needed a warm body next to her. Especially in the winter time. Damn those were some cold lonely nights there boy. Practically trying to throw pussy at any one of the mah fuckas to come over and just lay next to her. But she knew she had to give up some ass to make them stay at least a little while but shit it wasn’t like the bitch hadn’t did it before. They weren’t asking her to take it up the ass or anything like that, just stick it in until they came, piece of cake. Suckin their dicks? Hell no, a bitch had her limits. She wasn’t nor was she ever going to suck a niggas dick or nuts. Fuck that! Nasty mah fuckas. She remembered one guy had taken off his drawls and the funk hit her all in the face and she had straight up told him, get your nasty ass in that bathroom and take a shower or at least wash your nuts! Thinking to herself how guys talked about how bad women can smell sometimes and those mah fuckas having some hella stank nuts. She smiled to herself about that. Whew, she was tired of niggas.
Like now she started thinking of the bad times in her life when she was young. Her mother lettin those motha fuckas fondle and fuck her. She had told her mother about her two uncles and the two step fathers she had during her formative years. She was helpless. Her Mother not even paying any attention to her saying, “Now, Ronnie they were probably just playing with you girl. They didn’t mean any harm. No, you just don’t like them so you are just making these things up so I will put them out of the house.” Her own mother she thought. She cried for a little while like she usually did about this time in her life. She had no place to run to nor anyone to turn to. She cried because she wished she could live her childhood again and be a kid and worry about kid shit. She was never able to do this in her entire life, be a child. That is why she let Dontrel and Deaunte do whatever kids were supposed to do. Maybe a little too much but damnit they didn’t harm anybody. They were good kids if she had to say so herself. Even Victor loved them. Would take them to see a movie while she did whatever she wanted to do, “Now Ron check this out. Me and the boys will be gone for about four hours, I’m going to take them to Mickey Dees and then to the movies. Now don’t be tryin to not be here when I bring them back”
“I wouldn’t do that to you boy,” she would say with a playful look on her face.
“I’m not kiddin Ron,” he would say to her.
“Oh, will you stop it. I’ll be here. Now go nigga. Bye badasses.”
“Bye Mommy,” the boys would say in unison anxious to hit the streets.
She started thinking of Victor again. She remembered when he first hugged her. He had this lean, hard athletic body. Umm. That mah fucka was and is the shit. She remembered he hugged her for having such good grades her first semester in college. She smelled him, and even after his eight hours on third shift, he smelled of Lagerfeld, soft warm and inviting scent. She wanted to kiss him then, passionately. His hair always impeccably cut and lined, and goatee and eyebrows as black as night almost artistically etched on his face, goatee looking as though it were drawn on as manicured as it was lined. Brotha man was clean as hell and a drop dead fine ass brotha for real. She smiled at the thought of him then and her impression of him. Sweet, fine motha fucka. Was the thing she first thought of him when she met him on the unit. Could not really talk to him in a conversational manner. hypnotized by the nigga and how eloquently he spoke. Way far from the brothas she grew up around and were in her neighborhood still, Brightwood niggas. Crazy son of a bitches lived for the day and the day only. Here this nigga was talkin about careers and college and no children. What? Had she heard right? Mah fucka got to be gay. Hell no. Nigga lookin like that and no children and how he was representin’, shit something was mightily wrong with this nigga. She had found out Victor was just one of those niggas that took care of business. Trying to step into the world of legit in this illegitimate world. Straight up! Nigga was down for his. Victor she had found out was a nice man, a find, a one of a kind. The only real man she had ever met really. She started crying again. She wanted him in her life more than anything. She caught herself when she heard Dontrel and Deaunte in the kitchen. “Whatcha’ll doin in there little niggas? I know somebody is supposed to be in bed. They better be there when I check on them if they know what’s good for them,” she yelled out and heard the feet scurrying off the linoleum kitchen floor and them scrambling in their bedrooms getting into their beds. She smiled. She knew she would not have to check on them. They were good kids. They were all she had really. And those little motha fuckas needed a Daddy, she knew that for damn sure. So she called him.
“Hello?” Victor answered.
“What’s up my nigga?” Karon said to him.
“Whad’up, whad’up my nigga for real? Whatcha know no good? When you gonna come over here and slob on these nuts?” Victor said to her playfully in a way only they understood.
“As soon as you come over and lick on these lips down south mah fucka. Come over here and give Mommy some tongue on this pussy.” She retorted in a breathless lusty voice.
“Watch out d’ere now. Mah fucka be over there before you know it. Fuckin around,” Victor said
“Who said I was playin?” Karon pushed gently.
“You need to quit it. What’s up girl?”
“Nothin. Just thinkin about you.” Karon playing and not.
“I was thinkin about you too. I ran into Ellen yesterday at the mall. You remember we used to trip out on her at the hospital? She was a straight up tight ass white woman wasn’t she?”
“I hear you on that. I remember her and I almost came to blows. For real. You know she was on the west side on Peds South and I was on the East side. She being all nasty and putting her phone on make-busy trying to be funny and two of my kids on my side of the floor codin like a mah fucka. Just came back from heart surgery and she knew damn well not to pull that shit on me. Shit after everything settled down I went and cussed that bitch up and down one side to the other and she never pulled that shit again, I tell you that. Crazy my ass. I would have whopped up on her old white crazy ass that day. She knew damn well I wasn‘t playin. Hunh.”
“You talk mo’ shit than a little bit with you ninety five pound ass.”
“Ninety-eight pounds thank you. I’m tired of y’all mah fuckas talkin about how skinny I am. I’m a nice size. Damn. Mah fuckas always got somethin to say. “
“Shit, don’t be tryin to act all mad. Miss badass.”
“Damn straight. And don’t ever forget it.”
“Right, right. Hey how’s the Terrible Ds doing? They in bed. They have to be in bed because I don’t hear them in the background nor you every second hollering at them,” Victor said and giggled just a little.
Karon smiled and said, “No you didn’t? Yes, they are in bed Mister Smart ass and they are doing fine, thank you.”
“Well tell them Uncle Victor said, “What’s up?”
“You know I’ll do that. I don’t know why you just don’t come over here and visit them your damn self. they do ask about you, you know.”
Victor smiled. He liked her two children. They were bad but they were a good bad. It was hard to explain. They were very mindful children surprisingly when you got serious on them. Knowing Karon the way he did he could not believe her children were really so well mannered knowing how she could be. She was always very good with her children. Oh, she would call them all kinds of names and they better not repeat what she said, but somehow those children loved her to death. Didn’t take what she said to heart whatsoever like they knew Mommy was having a hard time and she is just blowing off some steam we know it and we love you too Mommy. Some hella good children.
“Well that’s a good thing. I think. They could ask thinking to themselves, when that crazy son of a bitch coming back? Just warn us two niggas before hand Mommy, damn,” Victor said.
“Shut up!” Karon said while laughing.
“You know I’m right. Those some grown ass boys there.”
“And don’t I know it,” Karon agreed. “Sometimes it gets so hard Victor you just don’t understand.”
“I can only imagine Ron. I can only imagine.” Victor feeling her shit. Life was a mah fucka and with two children and the nigga in the joint for the next twenty to twenty-five. Shit. That was a fucked up hand there.
“But for real when are you coming to visit us?” Karon asked.
“Oh, I’ll come pretty soon. I got to take care of some business first.”
“You need to quit nigga. You know you need to give that game store bullshit up. You know you are much better than that Victor.”
“Yeah, that’s what everybody tells me. But shit a nigga gotta do something. I’m Assistant Manager whatever that’s worth. The store ain’t bigger than a minute. Plus they let me after I told them I wasn’t workin any more week-ends and they said no problem. You know I didn’t have anything to loose. If they would have told me I had to still work weekends a nigga would have just jetted. Niggas be all up in there buying games for their systems. Colts players be comin in there droppin big loot on that bullshit. Two sometimes three thousand dollars on just games. ‘I’ve seen shit and I’ve seen shat. But I ain’t never seen no shit like that.’”
“Stop it. You so silly. That was pretty funny though. Where in the hell did you pick that up because that is the first time I’ve ever heard you say that?”
“I read it in this book I read this past week. You know me, still reading at least a novel a week. Trying like hell to keep the non dead brain cells fresh because the green they say kills some mean cells.”
“Fuck them. They always saying shit like that. They just trying to stop mah fuckas from smokin that’s all. Yeah and when we gonna chill out again? We have so much fun just chillin,” Karon said.
“Soon, I promise. And we do have so much fun don’t we. You remember that time we stayed up and watched almost every last one of those Def Comedy Jam tapes and we cracked our damned sides from that shit?” Victor asked.
“Boy that was the shit,” Karon now laughing, remembering, “We got high all night and had so much fun eatin and laughin and shit. Whew!” She slowly stopped laughing and said, “I miss you Victor.”
“Oh, I miss you too Ron. We’ll hang out soon okay. I’ve been looking for a place to stay because Angie I think is close to throwin a nigga out.”
“You know I hate her,” Karon said.
“Now you told me not two days ago that you liked her,” Victor said.
“I know I did. And I meant it too. It’s just I mean that in a good way I guess. You know Angie has those three “Fuls” goin on,” Karon said.
“What the hell are the threefuls?” Victor asked.
“No boy, not threefuls but three “Fuls”. Successful, beautiful and I bet a handful in bed. You got any two of the three you can write your own ticket in this world man or woman. You see, I hate her. The bitch,” Karon said.
They both started laughing. Victor was laughing with tears in his eyes. Karon was straight up the craziest and most colorful with the English language of any nigga he knew. The girl was funny as hell.
“Well Ron you have two of the three. And I only say two of the three because success is in the mind. It is all about perception and perspective. So looking at it like that I would have to say you have all three,” Victor said.
“There you go with that philosophy bullshit. And how would you know about the handful when we haven’t got down like that?” Karon asked.
“Do you not remember you showing me certain pictures and video...” Victor said.
“Awright. Awright. Damn,” Karon cut him off, “Sometimes a bitch be trippin that’s all. Loose her fuckin mind if it didn’t come with the package when she was born. Your ass don’t be forgettin shit.”
“Now how in the hell could I forget those images? Those are there to stay Ron,” Victor said.
She smiled and let out an embarrassed and almost shy chuckle.
“You know how we roll girl, we don’t judge one another. You know you my mah fucka girl! You know this man! Check that, wo-man!” Victor said.
“That’s right. Let’s get that shit straight,” she gave the little chuckle again, “You so silly man, you know that right?” Karon asked.
“Yeah. But you know how we roll. We can’t help it,” Victor said.
“I miss you Victor,” Karon said warmly.
“And I miss you too. Are you all right Ron?” Victor asked.
The tears started coming down her face again and she sniffled just a little. Victor heard the sniffle.
“Would you like for me to stay with you tonight girl?” Victor asked.
“Would you please. Bitch don’t want to be alone tonight. And I would really like to see you. The boys would too but they are both asleep I think,” Karon said.
“I’ll be right over,” Victor said and rang off.
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