We Black folks that I see around here lookin ghetto as evah? Wearin the garb is our badge of honah. Proud tah be ghetto. Don't know what else to do that is bettah than bein, shiit... ghetto!
Speak correctly? Shiiiit! What cho sorry ass think ebonics is all about? Our fuckin language up in this hurr Eutopia! While yah playin. Dress appropriately given the occasion? Now, you needs tah quit it! We's got our own style goddamnit, don't yah see? We have our ghetto braids. Our ghetto pants off of our perspective asses. Our ghetto stare (just waitin fo a mah fuckah tah say somethin to us so we can pop off crazy, even if it is just sayin a greetin, we are goin tah look menacin and maybe even kick yo Black or white ass. Whatevahs clevah). Our ghetto neighborhoods (not neighborhoods at all but they do resemble somethin akin tah a barren wasteland and a war zone)with no grass tah speak of, just dirt. Our ghetto children (who have the ghetto braids too and will pop ah cap in yo sorry ass quicker than shit fo no damn reason at all). Our ghetto automobiles (rides that cost more than the property we lives on and in)...on and on it goes.
Work? The fuck you thinkin? We don't fuckin work! What's wrong with you? No one works in Eutopia. That's fo damn sho! Be for real! We have everything we want or need without workin. Who would want tah work for the "Man" ? Now, I'll be a slave in the "Man's" institutions: Stateville, Pendleton, Michighan City...But not in the outside world, where freedom is. Nah suh. This hurr is a place of freedom. Don't cha see? We worked hard fo ovah four hunahd yeeahs. We at least deserve some rest and relaxation, a lil R and R. Fuck that and the cat in the hat!
Shiit, if yah want tah look at it, on the real, we really didn't get our freedom til the 1970's. So whah? We really only been free some...thirty yeeahs and some change? If that. Yeah, we deserve a break. That's where this place spawns from, freedom. It's good tah be free let me tell yah! "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty! Free at last!" Ain't that what Mart'n Luthah the King said?
All that goddamned workin we did back durin the slave times. The ghetto is our sanctuary! Don't mind the bullets and poverty none. I'm tellin yah. If there is heaven on Earth this would be the place. No one is tryin tah leave hurr. Believe me when I tell yah this. No one has tried tah leave in...oh...some thirty yeeahs tah be exact. Love this place so much. No othah place tah be. No place on Earth where you don't have tah mow yo lawn, go tah work, dress like white folks, talk like white folks...Cheapest place tah live, as long as, yah see? Yah don't start makin alot of money. But who in their right mind would want tah do that and leave Eutopia? Naw negro! Yah see anyone around hurr crazy? Ain't nobody bustin down no doors tah get away from hurr. I'm tellin yah! Everybody's tryin tah stay! People even tryin tah make the population of this place ten tah twenty fold, how they's havin babies.
Well, well! Look at that! There are some expectin Mothers there! "How yah doin Lil Mamas?" Look at'em. With their cute selves. Each one of their hands and bellies full with othah future Eutopians. I told yah chil! I told yah! No one's tryin tah leave this place. No-one! Population increasin one and a half percent on a daily basis. Yah bettah get in, while yah can fit in! I'll tell yah that.
Come on in and join us. Even if yah don't want tah stay fo a lifetime you will want tah stay awhile. Except when those bullets start flyin. But don't you worry none bout that. I'll show yah how tah avoid'em. And once you've mastered that, I'll show yah how not tah get on the gang membahs bad side, and...Oh, there are so many things tah experience, learn and to do hurr. Believe me when I tell you this.
And just you wait til you meet the people of law enforcement. Oh, sho they can be mean and kill some of us. But they don't mean no lick of harm. They are just actin crazy. Those crazy boys. Yah know, "boys will be boys!" I guess I should include the women of law enforcement, but shiit, they don't have any of the female persuasion patrollin our lil happy place. I wonder why? Anyway, come on in hurr! We'll show yah ah good time! Believe me when I tell yah this!
And the gov'ment? The gov'ment peoples will gives yah all yah need tah exist hurr, food stamps, shelter, birth control pills, condoms, health benefits...Yah know, if yah lil inclined fo a walk on the wild side...Oh, come on now! You knows what I'm talkin bout...Okay! Damn! Puff-puff-pass...Yah see! I knew yah weren't that naive. Well, on the D-L, yah know yah can turn those food stamps intah cash. Yah know what I mean? Don't be lookin all surprised like that. I'm tellin yah, who in their right mind is tryin tah leave this wonderful place? No one! That's who! This is the place tah be!
Why do yah think the gov'ment gives us all of these lux'ries? You know that's right! Payin us back fo all those yeeahs of oppression and slavery. Damn right bout that! They owe me my welfare check. All the work my ancestors did back then. I shouldn't have tah work at all, my whole lifetime, and I'm what now...twenty-six yeeahs old. I know, how time flys. It seems somehow, I am older than that. But now that I think of it...I guess I am only twenty-six. This is the way tah go though. Belive me when I tell yah this.
Oh, look at me just babblin out of control chil! Come on in! Join us! Just look at all those white folks that have the same kind of neighborhoods as we do. Now, I don't know how in the world theys gettin a sweet deal like we's gettin. They's been free as long as we were enslaved and still gettin R and R. I'm goin tah have tah speak with my congress man bout that. You's know all of us hurr could use dat money they's gettin. And it's a pretty penny, let me tell yah!
Just look at me carryin on chil. Come on in! Take a load off! How did that actor with that ugly lil man on that show go? Oh, I remember, "Welcome to Fantasy Island!"
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