Think about it. That’s what she was, finally she had to be true to herself, she was a has been of a fucking groupie. She was fucking the young man she remembered as she was looking at the video. He, jammin his ass off and she wanting him the more and more he gyrated. Yeah, she remembered the now dated video she viewed daily on the show, “Back In the Day, Old School Videos.” Whew wee wasn’t she the whore back then? She had to have sucked over 2000 dicks and fucked just as many band members. She probably could have been rich if she would have charged for the suck and fuck, or just listened to her mentor, Tina. But no, being with the mothah fuckahs was payment enough. She looked at herself often in the mirror. Only Thirty-four years old and looked damn near close to fifty. Damn, how the fast lane wears on a bitch, she thought every time she looked at her reflection. She never felt bad about it. Never any regrets. Shit she had learned from the best when she first started down the road of Hedonism. She remembered that’s what her teacher, her best friend, Tina had told her when she had informed her of the ropes, running it down to her when she was only seventeen getting into the game...
“Shit bitch, you startin about the age I was sniffin after these niggahs,” she was saying as she smoked a Salem 100. “The best life there is, if you ask me. Kind of changing though. All these niggahs wantin tah fuck yah in the ass and shit. And without a condom! ‘Let’s try a d.p.’ Fuck done happened tah niggahs is beyond me girl. Talk about the white man and just like ‘em. You a fine little thing though. You play your cards right you can have anything you want. Don’t be like me. Fuckin these mothah fuckahs for free. Hell, no! Get somethin out their asses. Look like me and shit after its all said and done,” as she continued to suck on the menthol cigarette like it was a steak for her lungs to munch on. Looking as though she was enjoying the hell out the smoke.
She blew out the gray plume of smoke with the same two fingers she held the square in she pointed both toward Keisha. “How old you think I am Key?” She looked at her with a smile on her face knowing like hell that Keisha would get it wrong. “ Before you answer girl, let me take a little pressure off yo ass so you won’t give me no bullshit answah. Listen, your answah can’t hurt me. Shit, look at my life. I’ve fucked and sucked so many mothah fuckahs in so many different places in front of so many other people don’t even worry about hurtin my feelins. You know what I’m sayin? Now, give me your best-shot there Key.”
Keisha did not hesitate, “I would say thirty-seven.”
Tina laughed at this. She laughed hard around a cloud of just expelled smoke and it caught a little in her throat and she began to cough from the irritation, but still she laughed. “That’s what I like about you bitch. You are one straight shootin bitch let me tell yah,” she looked at Keisha then and saw she was a little disturbed about something. Tina knew what it was, still with the smile on her face she said, “I’m sorry girl. I forget you are still kind of sensitive about certain things. I don’t mean any harm really. You know I’ve been in the game for a long time honey and those kinds of names you get used to bein called. You start not seein them as hurtful really almost terms of endearments as crazy as that might sound to you right now. So when I say bitch and ho and all that shit I don’t mean to sound like I’m tryin to put yo ass down, its just the environment that’s all. But damn thirty-seven? I’ll be shit. This lifestyle done took a toll on old Tina for real;” she trailed off and looked away from Keisha thinking, lost in memory. After awhile Keisha spoke up, “Earth to Tee! Earth to Tee!”
Tina jumped just a little and looked at Keisha, in a where the fuck did you come from look, then got oriented and said, “I’m sorry girl, sometimes that happens. Shouldn’t have taken some of that acid some of these niggahs done got into. Used to smoke just some of the finest weed evah! Shit! Now they done went totally out of their black ass minds! Anyway, where were we? Oh, yeah, thirty-seven!” She cackled again and took another drag off the menthol, hard and deep, collecting her thoughts and looking at Keisha with a smile. Finally exhaling and saying, “Thirty-seven!” Shaking her head. “Goddamn! I do like yo ass! You sure you want tah get into this shit? I’m tellin yah girl it’s the fast lane in any major city, and once you move ovah into the mothah fuckah, it’s almost impossible to get the fuck back ovah! And I‘m not sayin that mah fuckahs won‘t let you back ovah, yo ass just gets used to going ninety miles an hour and before you know it, yo ass forgets to do preventive maintenance, start breaking down and shit, then yo ass starts looking, as you said, thirty-seven! You know what I‘m sayin?” She had taken another pull after the statement waiting for Keisha's reply. Keisha said nothing just kept looking at Tina, waiting.
“Damn girl, you gonna answah the question or what?” Tina said in between puffs.
“I’m waiting for your answer before I answer. You haven’t told me how old you are yet. So based on what you tell me, is something I have to take into consideration.” Keisha said earnestly.
“Um! And smart too! I do like yo ass! Why don’t you get out of high school and go to college and be a lawyer or some shit. You got the brains for it girl!”
“Tee, are you gonna tell me how old you are or not?” Keisha asked.
“Okay, damn! I’m twenty-six. I done told you it’s a fast life. They call it a fast life because you compress so much living in a short amount of time, hence, my ass lookin thirty-seven, as you say.”
“I’m sorry Tee! I just...”
“Don’t be sorry about the truth girl. Don’t evah be sorry for what you feel and how you feelin! That’s what’s gonna separate you from the rest of these bitches. A mah fuckah ask you to fuck you in the ass and you don’t want to get fucked in the ass, you say hell nah! Your terms, your body! A mah fuckah asks you to suck his dick and you don’t wanna, you say, hell nah! Your terms, your body, your experiences. Don’t evah be sorry for your truth or your feelings! Makes the game much more enjoyable! You see what I’m sayin?” Tina said while firing up another menthol, barely letting the other cigarette to have time to extinguish.
“I’m listening. Please continue.” Keisha said while taking another sip of the Riunite Lambrusco, with more ice than wine that Tina always had bottles of in the refrigerator and in abundance.
“Continue! There you go again. Did I say I like yo ass? No, let me reword that statement. I love yo ass! You make me think how my life could have been so different. I’ve always liked words. How people utilize them. You not goin to sound like these othah mah fuckin bitches out here in the game, I tell yah that! You sure you don’t want tah get yo ass out of high school and be legit? Pro’ly make a hell of a lot mo money and respect. Look at yo’self differently when it’s all said and done. Shit. Look at me? Life is long memories are fleeting girl. For real!” As she picked up her glass and took a long swig of the red wine herself, took a piece of ice in her mouth, crunched it up, took a long pull off the menthol, inhaled, exhaled. “You see what I’m sayin?”
Keisha had taken another sip and looked off in the distance. Thought about everything Tina had told her. She loved this woman like a mother. Keisha’s mother being a crack head, still out on the streets crackin while her grandmother worked two jobs taking care of her and her two younger brothers. Tina didn’t sugar coat anything, nor was she judgmental, nor did she tell her what she should do, Tina had the gift. The gift of giving anyone she spoke with the facts, as she knew them and letting them make their own decisions. She had discernment.
“Tee, I really don’t know what I want. I just know that every time I see D’Angelo in that video, I want to fuck his brains out and make him hit one of those high notes just for me. Shit, fuck that weed you talkin bout niggah, or heroin...whatevahthefuck! I’m the real deal, I’m your Brown Sugah. And that’s the truth Tee.” As she looked at Tina and sucked on the piece of ice she had sucked in after taking the last sip of wine in her glass.
“You are lovely girl. So damn honest. I wish I was the same age as you and we could have tore this world up! Me and you, shit, nothing could have gotten in our way! I’m tellin yah! Well, shit. They hardly ever let my old ass backstage anymore, even though I still got this round ass, nice titties and flat stomach. But you...shit; yo ass will have no problem at all! I already got us tickets. And that mah fuckah got a concert this weekend. So, you in or not?”
“Tee, girl, you know I’m right there, front and center!” Keisha said while picking up her wine and sipping the little last drops left, mostly mixed with melted ice, with the most mischievous smile. And Tina doing the same while firing up another smoke and sipping the red wine herself... (to be continued)
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