I remember the bullshit as clear as day.
There was this product being advertised
called, “Certain,” sanitary bath tissue.
Now Mommy, yes I still call my Mother Mommy though I am forty-five years
old.
Getting back to the subject, “Certain,”
had a disinfectant lotion or some kind of bull shit within the toilet paper itself. Mommy bought it once or twice and I remember using it, it was viscous. Didn't feel like the conditioned corporate, wipe clean dry. Felt like it was putting something on, instead of taking shit off.
It was supposed to clean yo
just shittin ass after a proper mother fucker like yo ass is,
drops it like it’s hot!
Now, check this
out. People didn’t care for the shit
wipes back in the day; ‘Certain’ advertised is a more sanitary way of, “Wiping Your Bum,” or some kind of sorry corporate advertising bullshit. Anyway.
A few of the reasons people didn't care for the product was: “It didn’t feel like it was cleaning me,” “Kind of slippery. Doesn’t feel right,” “Feels nasty,’…
Now, Cottonelle plagiarizing the fuck out of the same concept in 2019. Y’all some biters! For real!
And you can bet your bottom dollar in this day, it will be all the
rage! Mother fuckers!
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