You Must Suffer...For Her! (Forty-Four Year Old Single Male Non-Custodial Parent) 2013

It was time. For the past seven weeks, until this day, the voice calmly, softly and comfortingly had said, "Fast."

I knew the voice was right. Throughout my troubled life, the stresses, the evils, the problems...all were taken away with a long fast. The problem was, I didn't want to do it. At 44 years of age, I was tired of fasting. It hurt so bad the first three days; the hunger pains, the thirst, the stress that my body took on from abstaining from mostly all that I so enjoyed.

"Fast," the voice said again, as if reading my negative thoughts. After the first three days, then it was only a matter of mental strength. The hunger pains subsided, became manageable. The thirst, I would quench with just taking a mouthful of water and holding it there. Imagining the time when I could drink water again. Then I would let the water dribble slowly from my lips until none was present any longer. Say the Lord's Prayer and whisper to the winds, "Soon."

"Fast," the voice repeated.

I slowly shook my head. Tears starting to form in my eyes. I finally asked the voice, "Why do I have to always suffer?"

"Because," the voice simply stated.

I shook my head again because I knew what the voice was going to convey to me. I knew the answer even before I had asked the first query. But I had to hear the voice's response to the known question and subsequent answer.

I took a deep breath. Held it deep inside my chest and let the exhalation pass slowly from my mouth. Tears now rolling down my cheeks. Finally I choked out, "Because, why?"

The voice with its sincere, calming tone said, "Because it's not about you any longer."

I broke down on my knees and cried uncontrollably with grief, pain and pity. Covering my face with my hands, ashamed even that I had thought, let a lone, asked such a selfish question which I knew the answer to before I had asked.

While the voice said over and over, "The both of you are going to be just fine. Be obedient and fast for fourteen days. You are going to have to do this, and many times after, until you sleep forever...for her."