L' Etrange Fromage Dans Les Etats Unis?

 Thah Holy fuck!

I dare US! Fuckin dare, tah see how many menu items come with

Cheese!?

God damn!

I mean my system rejects dairy now! But sometimes I say, "Fuck it!" Take a Benadryl aftah eatin "Enzo's", "Giorgio's" or "Manhattan" Pizza! I do thah shit about once ah month! If I do it more than that? My joints start hurtin. Strange, erratic bowel movements. Itchin and shit! Then thah Atopic Dermatitis starts happenin! Anyway...

My wife wondahs why I don't like goin out? Well, shit! They put cheese and dairy in about every muh fuckin thing! Sour Cream, milk, heavy cream, cheese...in and on jUSt about every God damn thing!

Then you say, "Can I have the double cheeseburger with no cheese please?"

Their response,

"No cheese?"

Yeah muh fuckah! I don't see jUSt ah regulah muh fuckin burger on yo muh fuckin menu! So thah only muh fuckin option that makes sense is tah ordah ah muh fuckin double cheese burger with no cheese! But I don't say that shit. Believe or not!? I'm ah very civil muh fuckah! I just say,

"Yes Please. And extra pickles please."

Then seventy-percent of thah muh fuckin time! What do I see on that muh fuckah! Fuckin cheese! Two pieces in fact! So, I end up scrappin thah shit off thah best that I can. Cause American cheese is thah worst! My old Black ass noticed I itch like ah muh fuckah if I consume American cheese. I'm startin tah research that it is not only the dairy but the emulsifiers utilized. "Well, why don't you just take it back? And have them make another one?" I don't do that shit! Fuck it! I ain't makin thah shit! If I want thah shit thah way that I really wanted it, I wouldn't be at this muh fuckah orderin it from somebody else!? But that's just me! Fuck it! Scrape thah shit off! Anyway...

I say all that tah say. My old Black ass ninety-percent of thah time

Eats at thah muh fuckin'

Crib!...

(Peace! More to come...)